So last week it was my birthday, today it’s my step-dads, and next week my husbands.
Since we have three birthdays in a row every year, it always seems to go by with a blur. I’ve never really sat down long enough to think about growing older, my goals, and if I am where I thought I would be.
Well, today is that day.
First up, how do I feel being this age now? It’s no secret, I’m not ashamed of my age. I’m 33. I guess I’m really not sure how I feel. I know I definitely don’t feel like I did at 23.
I never had that freak out moment, or feeling of dread when I came into my thirties. In all honesty, while my friends were bemoaning their 30th, I was looking forward to it. I never really knew why. And now, I’m three years past it, and I still feel… I don’t know.
You see, I guess I never really ever felt like an adult. I felt like I was just pretending. Like I was playing dress up and one day someone would call me out on it. I thought that when I hit my thirties that feeling would go away. It did not.
Yeah sure, there are some days where I absolutely know I am no longer in my twenties. When I wake up with my back hurting, or something on my body pops and cracks. My body makes all kinds of weird noises now that it didn’t when I was younger. I also get hang overs a whole lot easier than I ever did before, and I absolutely need more than four hours of sleep now vs then.
But in my head, I still feel like that little girl. That girl who always looked at the adults in her life with awe and a hint of mysticism. Always thinking it would get better when I was finally an adult. They had their shit together. Adults knew things.
Well, that was a lie. Sure, from the outside looking in, we (our family) may look like we have it all figured out. But I’m telling you know, we don’t. No one does. It’s all an act. We’re all just going through life pretending. But, that’s not a bad thing. If we stay in touch with that inner child, the one that still looks at the world and those around us with the eyes of wonder and imagination, well nothing will ever be dull.
Now on to goals. Did I reach them? Did I even have them? Well, yeah, I kinda did. I knew I wanted to own my own house by Mid-Thirties and I’m there. I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I’m doing that. I knew I wanted my kids to have more than I did, and they do. So I guess I reached them.
But one I didn’t? Being traditionally published. I’m not there yet. So, I have a new goal to hit before 40. Hopefully I will.
How about you? No matter if you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, or up. Are you where you thought you would be? Do you feel like an adult? Did you reach those goals you had set for yourself when you were younger and uninhibited by the world around you?