This Writers Life: New Teenage Driver

0c93fcd0e1d1772ad9501c3dd39b4c6cSo, this week I have been a little distracted. Why, may you ask? Well, I spent the week running around getting everything needed so that my daughter could get her drivers license. Which she did, yesterday.

I am both proud and a little scared.

She got her learners permit. She took all the classes online, then took the test online, so all we had to do was go pick up her license. She was excited, I was excited for her. This is a big milestone in a kids life. It’s that first taste of freedom, of being a little grown up and no longer a kid.

I, on the other hand, am scared out of my mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, she so far has been a decent driver. While I am worried about her, as she is a brand new driver with no real experience, I am more worried about everyone else on the road.

Where we live, as I’m sure every where else, no one seems to know how to use their blinkers, no one is paying attention, if they need to turn they do so at the last possible second slamming on their brakes to do it. It scares me behind the wheel, I can only imagine what will happen with her.

On a different note though, and I know every parent feels this way and says this and it’s a little cliche, I don’t feel like I’m old enough to be here yet. I’m really not sure how this all got here so dang fast. Is she really old enough to be driving?

I remember a moment, when she was maybe two, if even two. She used to go on walks with her ‘Tapah’ (cause she couldn’t say grandpa yet and the name stuck this whole time). He would put her in her stroller, put the leash on Buddy, and they would head out the door. She loved it.

Well, one time she saw him put the leash on Buddy, but he hadn’t put her in her stroller. She ran to her stroller and started freaking out. It was put up against the wall with a chair in front of it. She couldn’t get it out. She was pulling on it, and crying, and looking back and forth between the stroller and the door. She thought her tapah was leaving her behind. It was sad and funny at the same time.

Now, he did end up taking her that day, but the point of that story is that I remember it like it was yesterday. Like it just happened. But here we are and she is getting her drivers license.

I know that when I was younger my mother used to tell me to cherish everything, because time moves so fast. “In the blink of an eye you’ll turn around and she will be heading off to college.” Oh how true those words are. It feels like all I did was blink.

I know, cliche. But it turns out, it’s very true.

So here is to all you parents, who have watched your kids grow, awed at their triumphs, cried for their pain, and just couldn’t believe how fast time was moving. And to you parents who may just be starting out, it will go by in the blink of an eye.

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Another year Growing Older

8251028654_3aa257e2c3_n┬áSo last week it was my birthday, today it’s my step-dads, and next week my husbands.

Since we have three birthdays in a row every year, it always seems to go by with a blur. I’ve never really sat down long enough to think about growing older, my goals, and if I am where I thought I would be.

Well, today is that day.

First up, how do I feel being this age now? It’s no secret, I’m not ashamed of my age. I’m 33. I guess I’m really not sure how I feel. I know I definitely don’t feel like I did at 23.

I never had that freak out moment, or feeling of dread when I came into my thirties. In all honesty, while my friends were bemoaning their 30th, I was looking forward to it. I never really knew why. And now, I’m three years past it, and I still feel… I don’t know.

You see, I guess I never really ever felt like an adult. I felt like I was just pretending. Like I was playing dress up and one day someone would call me out on it. I thought that when I hit my thirties that feeling would go away. It did not.

Yeah sure, there are some days where I absolutely know I am no longer in my twenties. When I wake up with my back hurting, or something on my body pops and cracks. My body makes all kinds of weird noises now that it didn’t when I was younger. I also get hang overs a whole lot easier than I ever did before, and I absolutely need more than four hours of sleep now vs then.

But in my head, I still feel like that little girl. That girl who always looked at the adults in her life with awe and a hint of mysticism. Always thinking it would get better when I was finally an adult. They had their shit together. Adults knew things.

Well, that was a lie. Sure, from the outside looking in, we (our family) may look like we have it all figured out. But I’m telling you know, we don’t. No one does. It’s all an act. We’re all just going through life pretending. But, that’s not a bad thing. If we stay in touch with that inner child, the one that still looks at the world and those around us with the eyes of wonder and imagination, well nothing will ever be dull.

Now on to goals. Did I reach them? Did I even have them? Well, yeah, I kinda did. I knew I wanted to own my own house by Mid-Thirties and I’m there. I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I’m doing that. I knew I wanted my kids to have more than I did, and they do. So I guess I reached them.

But one I didn’t? Being traditionally published. I’m not there yet. So, I have a new goal to hit before 40. Hopefully I will.

How about you? No matter if you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, or up. Are you where you thought you would be? Do you feel like an adult? Did you reach those goals you had set for yourself when you were younger and uninhibited by the world around you?